3 Dating Mistakes Every Divorced Person Must Avoid
By Kimberly Pryor, award-winning author and relationship expert
Dating after divorce can seem a bit like trying to find your way around a foreign country where you don’t speak the language. Especially if you were married a long time.
You’ve been with one person, someone you were comfortable with, and now you have to go out and meet a bunch of strangers. For many people, it’s scary and nerve-wracking, too.
And even if you find getting back out there again fun, unless you know the secrets for attracting quality dates chances are good you’re going to attract some dates from hell.
Not to mention dates who you have no connection with and dates that lack chemistry.
Internet dating may not even have been around when you were dating before your marriage. Or it was in its infancy and not as acceptable as it is now.
The reality is that modern dating may not come naturally to you. It may seem odd to meet someone you first “met” on a computer.
Then there’s that really cool person you met at the local hangout. You had so much fun talking to them. Why didn’t they ask you out or return your phone call?
It’s frustrating, isn’t it? You might even replay the evening in your head and keep asking yourself over and over again what you did wrong.
As a relationship expert, I see divorced people just like you making dozens of common dating mistakes that are costing them the ability to find long-lasting love. The kind of love where the other person is crazy about you, where the two of you have lots of chemistry.
If you’re making these mistakes, you may wonder why you keep meeting the wrong people when you go on dates or why your relationships fall apart after six months to a year or two.
The chances are good that if you’re dating after divorce, you’re making one of these mistakes:
Not Knowing How to Generate Chemistry
With the advent of Internet dating, suddenly people have a huge choice of who to date. If one person doesn’t meet their fancy they can move on to the next.
It’s like having a huge jar of candy to choose from.
This works to your advantage and against it. It means that you, too, have an endless choice of potential romantic partners.
But it also means that if your date doesn’t feel a connection with you on the first date—or sometimes even on the first email—they know they can move on to the next Internet option.
It’s more important than ever to generate chemistry on the first date. Yes, you can generate chemistry. It’s not always something that happens naturally.
And you can do it by being yourself. It’s simply a matter of amplifying your personality.
There are many ways to generate chemistry. Here’s one of the best ways: Don’t talk about the weather or your job.
Don’t ask your date what he or she does for a living or where they’re from.
Instead, make the conversation sparkle.
I’ll give you an example.
Back before I met my fiancé, when I was dating a lot, a female friend and I were sitting at a bar in a clubhouse during a celebrity golf tournament. A man was standing next to me.
The logical way for me to start a conversation with him would have been to say, “Where are you from?”
Instead, I asked him, “Have you ever had sex with an alligator?”
This caught him off guard a bit. Then I explained that “Sex With An Alligator” is a drink.
We laughed a bit about that, he asked me what was in the drink, then he ordered one for my friend and me.
It didn’t result in a long-term relationship but if I had simply asked him “where are you from?” our conversation would have lasted all of five minutes.
Another example: when that sexy stranger asks you what you do for a living be playful.
When guys asked me what I do for a living, sometimes, instead of saying “I’m a writer,” I told them I wrestle cold water alligators and that the visitors authority at Lake Tahoe hired me to keep the tourists safe.
Be creative in your conversations with the opposite sex.
Stay away from expected topics and leave your dates a little off balance by asking them something they don’t expect.
You can do this not only on dates but also when you write your online dating profile.
(Check out the article How to Be Good At Dating After Divorce to discover more powerful ways to generate chemistry.)
Getting Involved in a Rebound Relationship
You’ve been divorced for a little while and you get involved with someone new.
How do you know whether it’s a rebound relationship or the real thing?
The best way to know for sure is to ask yourself the following questions:
1. Am I happy on my own? Can I spend a night by myself without feeling horribly lonely?
If the answer to this one is yes, then you may be ready to get seriously involved with someone new.
2. Did I take the time to think about why my marriage fell apart?
3. Do I know what I can do differently in my next relationship to make it stronger than my marriage was?
Some people are able to process divorce much more quickly than others.
Some people have thought about the answers to questions 2 and 3 before the divorce is finalized or shortly thereafter.
Others need more time to really process the answer to those questions.
But it is only when you answer yes to question 1 and have thought long and hard about questions 2 and 3 that you will truly be able to have a healthy and long-lasting relationship.
You could meet the most wonderful person in the world once you start dating again but chances are good if you haven’t thought about the answers to the above questions, your relationship won’t last long.
Becoming Too Attached, Too Soon
You meet someone really cool online.
From their profile and their emails, you feel like they’re everything you’ve been looking for.
Interesting. Funny. Intelligent. You have chemistry.
You go on your first date and you have so much fun. You have a real connection. Or so you think.
You wait for him to call you or for her to call you back. The call never comes. You’re crushed.
At this point, my female clients are usually thinking but we had such a strong connection. I really got my hopes up. How could this be happening?
And the men I know, when they don’t get a call back from a woman they asked out on a second date, become either bitter or frustrated.
It’s only natural to get your hopes up.
But it’s important to remember that just because you’re feeling chemistry doesn’t mean the other person is, too.
Part of the problem may be that you were making mistake #1. You weren’t doing enough to generate chemistry.
The other reason the other person didn’t feel it for you might be because you were nervous on your first date.
It’s perfectly understandable that you felt this way.
But if you’re nervous you come across as lacking confidence. And confidence is sexy.
The more you can do to relax on the first date, the more self-confident you’ll appear.
In some cases, the problem may not be anything you’ve done. The person’s old flame may have re-entered their life right after you met, for example.
For women, the man you met may be a player and he sensed you wanted more of a commitment.
Never get fully invested in one person until you become physically intimate with that person—in other words, after at least six weeks of dates when the two of you have talked about whether you’re exclusive or not.
Condoms don’t protect against every STD. And for women especially, holding off having sex until at least the 6th date and six weeks of dating will increase the chances of your relationship lasting and being about more than just sex.
Rather than put all your eggs in one dating basket, continue to date other people even if there’s one person in particular you really like.
That way, if that person goes “poof!” you’ll have plenty of other options and you’ll know that the right person is just around the next corner.
These are only three of dozens of mistakes you may be making when dating after divorce that are causing you lonely nights, frustrating dates, and plenty of wasted time.
Here’s Exactly How to Say Goodbye to Bad Dates and Hello to Long-Lasting Love
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen divorced clients and friends make many more mistakes that are sabotaging their chances at having a warm and loving relationship that lasts.
Not only when they’re dating but also as their relationship with their new, post-divorce romantic partner moves forward and ultimately falls apart.
These were mistakes that I used to make, too, when I was single.
And once I figured out how to correct these mistakes I went from attracting bad or boring men to my wonderful, creative, funny and kind-hearted fiancé.
Wouldn’t you like to know how to attract the good dates and repel the bad dates?
Wouldn’t you like to know how to stop getting your heart broken?
How to instantly spot red flags that indicate the type of person you should never get involved with.
Not to mention the secrets for making your next relationship last forever so you’ll never again have to go through the pain you went through after your divorce.
Then be sure to click here to gain access to free secrets that will show you how to find someone to snuggle up with at night. Someone you can fall in love with and who will fall in love with you back.
You’ll also get immediate access to a free gift that can save your life—the free report called “5 Ways to Know Whether Your Date is Dangerous.”
Here’s to saying goodbye to the bad dates and hello to finding someone wonderful,
P.S. Make sure you sign up below now to get access to free secrets about dating most divorced people will never know as well as the free gift “5 Ways to Know Whether Your Date is Dangerous.”
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