Making and keeping one or more of these six New Year's resolutions can help you release even more of the pain you feel after divorce—and usher in a peaceful new era in your life.
1. Let go of any anger you feel at your spouse. Yes, your anger is probably justified. But letting go of it doesn't mean you're saying what your ex did to you was right. It simply means you're acknowledging that your anger harms you more than it does your ex-spouse.
2. Resolve that when you do start dating again, you'll look at it as a way to meet new, interesting people rather than as a way to immediately get involved again if you're not ready. Resolve not to let one or two or even three bad dates get you down. Take them with a sense of humor. When you're ready to get involved again don't give up.
3. If divorce wiped you out financially, start thinking of ways to save money. Give up that morning cappuccino at Starbucks. Instead, buy some good coffee at the grocery store, brew it up before you leave home and take it in a mug to work.
4. If you drifted away from any of your friends while you were married, renew your friendships. Your friends can be a source of support after your divorce and when you're ready to have fun again and go out on the town, it's nice to have someone to have fun with.
5. Reconnect with any hobbies or interests you gave up when you married. Perhaps you got more involved in your spouse's interests and gave up your own. Or having kids just wiped out all your time and energy. Now is the time to reconnect with any passions you gave up on when you were married.
6. Make sure your kids are coping okay. Sure, on the surface, it may seem as if they're doing okay. But sit them down and have a heart to heart talk to really get a good feel for how they're taking the breakup of your marriage. Ask them open-ended questions such as "How are you feeling about the fact mommy and daddy are no longer together?" Even after you've already asked them this, check in again from time to time, to make sure they're still okay.
Kimberly Pryor is the creator of The Rebuilding Your Life After Divorce DVDS: Embrace Being Single, Help Your Kids Heal and Discover How to Feel Whole Again. The DVDs feature 14 inspirational speakers, who show you how to solve all your post-divorce challenges.